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Post by XBOM on Apr 15, 2004 7:37:40 GMT -5
I thought it was this What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? SPIT OR SWALLOW
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Post by LeftCat on Apr 15, 2004 7:51:23 GMT -5
I thought it was this What the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? YOUR WRONG FOR THAT SPIT OR SWALLOW
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Post by XBOM on Apr 15, 2004 8:55:00 GMT -5
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Apr 15, 2004 9:12:00 GMT -5
SPIT OR SWALLOW I don't get it
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Post by XBOM on Apr 15, 2004 9:23:12 GMT -5
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Post by PBAHoFer on Apr 15, 2004 9:29:09 GMT -5
SPIT OR SWALLOW I don't get it Apparently, neither does Jeff......... lol
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Apr 15, 2004 9:36:38 GMT -5
oh jeff gets it...
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Post by XBOM on Apr 15, 2004 9:37:42 GMT -5
oh jeff gets it... Apparently so does blowmea900
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Post by WineUdotKing on Apr 15, 2004 13:22:56 GMT -5
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car pactically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty-thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers", and she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday....."
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "We're outta here...."
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Post by PBAHoFer on Apr 15, 2004 13:32:02 GMT -5
A couple gets married, on their honeymoon night, the husband asks for oral sex. The wife denies him, tells him, "You would not respect me if I did such a thing." He argues, and tells her he would never do such a thing.
He asks every year on their anniversary, and every year she denies him, tells him, "You would not respect me if I did such a thing."
On their 50th Anniversary, they return to their Honeymoon Suite.
The husband asks her once again. This time she puts aside her inhibitions, and complies.
The husband lies back, tells her how much he loves her.......
but then the cell phone rings........
he answers....
listens for a moment, then looks at her, and says,
"It's for you........ c**ks**ker"
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Post by Homersan on Apr 16, 2004 9:57:21 GMT -5
A girl was visiting her blonde friend Wendie who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. Wendie responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. He friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooooooooooooooo" answered Wendie, "They're watch dogs!"
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Post by screwedntexas on Apr 16, 2004 15:18:52 GMT -5
Two bums are trying to figure out how they're going to get their next drink. The first one says to the other one,"I've got an idea! We get this hotdog, see, and go into a bar. We drink all we can, and when it's time to settle up you fall to your knees and start sucking the hotdog between my legs! The bartender will kick us out faster'n you can say piss." The second bum agreed to this idea and they obtained the hotdog and went into a bar. After downing numerous bourbons, the bartender gives them the tab. The bums jump into the aforementioned song-and-dance routine, to which the bartender yells obseneties and kicks them out. The bums peruse all the local bars in this manner successfully. Finally, after about two hours, the one bum stops the other and says, "man, we got to slow up a while. My knees are killing me." The other one looks back at him, "Your knees? poo poo, we lost that hotdog three bars ago!"
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Apr 20, 2004 6:36:31 GMT -5
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.
Because both had jobs they found it difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.
Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived
You're probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is hot down here!
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Post by WineUdotKing on Apr 20, 2004 8:15:36 GMT -5
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?"
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Post by rrmyers on Apr 20, 2004 10:53:06 GMT -5
a man goes to the dentist, the dentist tells him he will have to pull the tooth, the man asks will it hurt, the dentist replys no after i give you a couple of these shots, the man replys oh no doc i'am afraid of needles and your not going to give me any shots, the dentist says no problem and says after i give you some of this gas you won't feel a thing, the man replys oh no doc i'am allergic to masks, the dentist leaves the room and comes back with two little blue pills and tells him to take them, the man ask the dentist what is this the dentist tells him it is vigera, the man ask will that kill the pain, the dentist says no its gonna hurt like hell but at least you will have something to hold on too when i pull that tooth
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