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Post by SoMuchHookUCanFish on Mar 13, 2004 1:15:12 GMT -5
Right!
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Post by WANNABEARIGHTIE on Mar 14, 2004 12:08:59 GMT -5
a blonde asks her priest, "father, is it a sin to have sex before communion?"
"only if you block the aisle," the priest replied.
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Mar 17, 2004 6:41:48 GMT -5
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, What's the hurry?" I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah?" said the cop. "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The cop said, "What?.... A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher DO?" I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide." The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge....." **Bail: $100 **Ticket: $95 **Look on cop's face: Priceless
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Post by WANNABEARIGHTIE on Mar 17, 2004 7:48:31 GMT -5
what do you call a pair of lesbians who are on their period at the same time?
fingerpainting.
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Post by msmullet on Mar 18, 2004 10:01:40 GMT -5
YUCK!!!!!
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Post by WANNABEARIGHTIE on Mar 18, 2004 12:29:35 GMT -5
a blonde crashes into a wall. a cop arrives and asks, "what happened?" "i was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me," the blond says. "i swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped in front of me. i swerved again, but yet another tree jumped out." "lady, there isn't a tree for 30 miles," the cop says. "that was your air freshener!"
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Post by Homersan on Mar 18, 2004 12:32:13 GMT -5
Wendie crashes into a wall. a cop arrives and asks, "what happened?" "i was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me," Wendie says. "i swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped in front of me. i swerved again, but yet another tree jumped out." "lady, there isn't a tree for 30 miles," the cop says. "that was your air freshener!" It needed to be modified!
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Post by WANNABEARIGHTIE on Mar 18, 2004 12:40:45 GMT -5
wendies mom crashes into a wall. a cop arrives and asks, "what happened?" "i was driving along when a tree jumped out in front of me," the blonde says. "i swerved to miss it, and another tree jumped in front of me. i swerved again, but yet another tree jumped out." "lady, there isn't a tree for 30 miles," the cop says. "that was your air freshener!" modified again! lov ya wen
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Post by WineUdotKing on Mar 22, 2004 10:30:33 GMT -5
Here is a list of some interesting Classified ads:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG... BITES.
------------------ FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
------------------
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.
------------------ GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. -- FREE.
------------------ FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.
------------------ 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/OFFER
------------------ SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS...
------------------ COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
------------------ NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.
------------------ GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------ NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
------------------ TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7.00 PER HOUR.
------------------ EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
------------------ JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
------------------ ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
------------------ OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
------------------ FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Freaking Wife knows everything
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Mar 25, 2004 6:35:21 GMT -5
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
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evera
New Member
Posts: 45
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Post by evera on Mar 25, 2004 7:47:42 GMT -5
The couple, both 40, were celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so devoted to one another, she would grant each of them on wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had cruise tickets in her hands. It was the man's turn. He looked at his loving wife. He looked at those tickets. Then, with a devilish twinkle in his eyes, he wished for a much younger female companion. And, whoosh ... he turned 75!
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evera
New Member
Posts: 45
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Post by evera on Mar 25, 2004 7:50:37 GMT -5
Tiffany adopts two dogs, and she names them Rolex and Timex. "Where'd you come up with those names?" asks her friend Mandy. "HellOOOOOOOOO," Tiffany replies.
"They're watchdogs!"
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Post by WANNABEALEFTIE on Mar 25, 2004 7:59:04 GMT -5
A man waled into a docto's office. He had a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "Doc, what's wrong with me?" he asked
That's easy," said the doctor.
"You're not eating properly."
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bowlme900
Senior Member
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
Posts: 413
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Post by bowlme900 on Mar 25, 2004 13:16:12 GMT -5
Why did was the blonde looking at the can of frozen orange juice for 3 hours?
It said, "Concentrate."
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Post by XBOM on Mar 25, 2004 13:23:51 GMT -5
Why did was the blonde looking at the can of frozen orange juice for 3 hours? It said, "Concentrate." Well we know that this one is a myth
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